I receive tons of emails a week asking for advice from brides-to-be and one predominate theme pervades throughout their messages... they're stressed out! There's a lot of weight placed on the "perfect" wedding and it seems to be getting to everyone. It's a tricky adventure, this wedding planning business. From budgets to in-law pressures, it can be a confusing and a rather stressful time.
Now, I'm no psychologist or relationship expert, but I will impart to you how I got through my own perfection obsession. The trick? I constantly put things into perspective. Sounds easy enough, but with so much clouding your mind it can be quite tricky. So, how did I do this? Whenever I felt overwhelmed about a wedding decision, I took a breath and would ask myself these four questions:
1. Is this what I want?
2. Can I afford it?
3. Will the Earth implode if my wedding doesn't have it?
4. Am I marrying my soulmate?
Now let's break down these four questions...
#1: Is this what I want?
Although a very basic and seemingly simple question, I don't think brides ask themselves this enough. Do you really want the 10 foot train or is that what is expected of you? For anyone whose ever announced their engagement, you know that one of the first things that happens is "projection". Everyone and their second cousins start projecting their own wedding dreams and aspirations on you - "Your going to get married in a church, right?", "You'll regret not wearing a veil", "Everybody knows that centerpieces must be at least 3 feet tall". It can put a lot of stress and unnecessary expectations on your shoulders. So, when you inevitably get swept into the bottomless vortex of wedding planning and are making endless (expensive!) decision after the next, ask yourself "Is this what I really want?". If the answer is "yes", then fantastic... you're on the right track to having a fabulous wedding. If the answer is "no", then take a step back and think about what you want. It's sometimes hard to remember this, but it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks! Aunt Zoey already had her day and she chose to spend it in a sea of tulle... so to each her own! It's your day. Once you know exactly how you want it to look & feel, the decision making becomes much easier.
#2: Can I afford it?
Reality check! We're in a recession. And if you're not affected by the economy & can afford a platinum wedding, then you're reading the wrong blog... leave immediately and go to Style Me Pretty (where everything is perfect and budgets are pretty much non-existent!). For the rest of us, money is an issue. The hardest part of wedding planning is when you fall in love with something that you simply can't afford. What was my "Style Me Pretty" moment, you ask? The dress! I really really wanted a Carolina Herrera, but I could only afford a Maggie Sottero (which was still rather pricey!). And you know what? I got over it! I did the best I could with what I could afford and I looked FAB-U-LOUS! And so will you. Do the best with what you have. When you can't afford something spectacular, then that's when you pull out the glue gun! (for fantastic DIY tips, check out The Broke-Ass Bride & DIY Bride). But, if you've answered this question & are still upset that you can't afford the coveted wedding item, move on to the next question...
#3: Will the Earth implode if my wedding doesn't have it?
Luckily the answer to this is always "No!". Except for that one time when a bride didn't have the traditional white pantyhose on under her gown and the ground opened up, swallowing her into it's depths. Just kidding! Perspective, my friends. Yes, it's an important day. Yes, it's probably costing you a ton of money. And yes, you want it to be as perfect as possible. But it's only one day. Unlike the day when you got your first period, this is a happy milestone in your life. So, do your best to make the days leading up to it happy as well. And just remember, you will not induce the apocalypse if your bouquet is made out of roses instead of peonies.
#4: Am I marrying my soulmate?
We know the answer to this one, don't we ladies? Yes, yes, a thousand times yes! (and if the answer is "No", then admittedly you have a lot more to be stressed about than choosing a DJ). The lovely thing about this question is that it negates all questions before it. If you're marrying your soulmate, then none of this really matters now does it? Nope. Because you're so unbelievably lucky to have found each other that everything else is just the icing on the cake. Who cares about the wedding day?! You have been fortunate enough to have the fates in your favor and that's way more important than having the perfect wedding favor! So, when wedding planning gets you down and you feel more like pulling out your hair, than growing it out for that perfect updo... put it all into perspective!
Today's engagement session clearly displays what a dreamy state "perspective" can be! The stars have aligned for vintage-slated cuties, Sadie & Steven. With their "Rat Pack" inspired wedding coming up, these two wanted to continue the theme into their engagement portraits. Integrating family heirlooms with their retro flair, witness Sadie & Steven as they answer question #4 with a resounding "Yes!"...
Now, I'm no psychologist or relationship expert, but I will impart to you how I got through my own perfection obsession. The trick? I constantly put things into perspective. Sounds easy enough, but with so much clouding your mind it can be quite tricky. So, how did I do this? Whenever I felt overwhelmed about a wedding decision, I took a breath and would ask myself these four questions:
1. Is this what I want?
2. Can I afford it?
3. Will the Earth implode if my wedding doesn't have it?
4. Am I marrying my soulmate?
Now let's break down these four questions...
#1: Is this what I want?
Although a very basic and seemingly simple question, I don't think brides ask themselves this enough. Do you really want the 10 foot train or is that what is expected of you? For anyone whose ever announced their engagement, you know that one of the first things that happens is "projection". Everyone and their second cousins start projecting their own wedding dreams and aspirations on you - "Your going to get married in a church, right?", "You'll regret not wearing a veil", "Everybody knows that centerpieces must be at least 3 feet tall". It can put a lot of stress and unnecessary expectations on your shoulders. So, when you inevitably get swept into the bottomless vortex of wedding planning and are making endless (expensive!) decision after the next, ask yourself "Is this what I really want?". If the answer is "yes", then fantastic... you're on the right track to having a fabulous wedding. If the answer is "no", then take a step back and think about what you want. It's sometimes hard to remember this, but it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks! Aunt Zoey already had her day and she chose to spend it in a sea of tulle... so to each her own! It's your day. Once you know exactly how you want it to look & feel, the decision making becomes much easier.
#2: Can I afford it?
Reality check! We're in a recession. And if you're not affected by the economy & can afford a platinum wedding, then you're reading the wrong blog... leave immediately and go to Style Me Pretty (where everything is perfect and budgets are pretty much non-existent!). For the rest of us, money is an issue. The hardest part of wedding planning is when you fall in love with something that you simply can't afford. What was my "Style Me Pretty" moment, you ask? The dress! I really really wanted a Carolina Herrera, but I could only afford a Maggie Sottero (which was still rather pricey!). And you know what? I got over it! I did the best I could with what I could afford and I looked FAB-U-LOUS! And so will you. Do the best with what you have. When you can't afford something spectacular, then that's when you pull out the glue gun! (for fantastic DIY tips, check out The Broke-Ass Bride & DIY Bride). But, if you've answered this question & are still upset that you can't afford the coveted wedding item, move on to the next question...
#3: Will the Earth implode if my wedding doesn't have it?
Luckily the answer to this is always "No!". Except for that one time when a bride didn't have the traditional white pantyhose on under her gown and the ground opened up, swallowing her into it's depths. Just kidding! Perspective, my friends. Yes, it's an important day. Yes, it's probably costing you a ton of money. And yes, you want it to be as perfect as possible. But it's only one day. Unlike the day when you got your first period, this is a happy milestone in your life. So, do your best to make the days leading up to it happy as well. And just remember, you will not induce the apocalypse if your bouquet is made out of roses instead of peonies.
#4: Am I marrying my soulmate?
We know the answer to this one, don't we ladies? Yes, yes, a thousand times yes! (and if the answer is "No", then admittedly you have a lot more to be stressed about than choosing a DJ). The lovely thing about this question is that it negates all questions before it. If you're marrying your soulmate, then none of this really matters now does it? Nope. Because you're so unbelievably lucky to have found each other that everything else is just the icing on the cake. Who cares about the wedding day?! You have been fortunate enough to have the fates in your favor and that's way more important than having the perfect wedding favor! So, when wedding planning gets you down and you feel more like pulling out your hair, than growing it out for that perfect updo... put it all into perspective!
Today's engagement session clearly displays what a dreamy state "perspective" can be! The stars have aligned for vintage-slated cuties, Sadie & Steven. With their "Rat Pack" inspired wedding coming up, these two wanted to continue the theme into their engagement portraits. Integrating family heirlooms with their retro flair, witness Sadie & Steven as they answer question #4 with a resounding "Yes!"...
Photography: Joleen Willis Photography
Location: Railtown 1897 State Historic Park
Great advice! Thanks!
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Sam!!! But, you forgot one thing- HIRE A PLANNER!! Every bride needs one-no matter the budget. We can keep you calm, help you stay focused, on budget and feeling like a princess. The things you wrote here are things I tell my brides. It is THEIR DAY! And, it can be perfect for every bride! Great advice and funny too.
ReplyDeleteOh yes, Ms. Wendy! My lovely wedding planner, Ms. Heather Ham, was worth every penny!! And to all you Philly brides-to-be, make sure to contact one of our favorite planners, Ms Wendy of Wendy's Affairs of the Heart http://wendys-bridalaffairs.blogspot.com/ Not only is she one of the best in the business, she's a wonderful person through & through!!! You couldn't have a more fantastic gal orchestrating your special day! ;)
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