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Valentine Rejects Bark

February 14, 2017
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Today’s recipe is for the rejects. The has-beens. The losers. It is also for the lazy. The procrastinator. The anti-Valentine. It’s my ridiculous easy recipe for Valentine Rejects Bark. I am not kidding about how easy this recipe is. It’s so easy, even a love-spurned grump can do it blindfolded on a lonely Valentine’s Day night.

I originally started making this bark years ago, as a visceral ritual of candy repurposing. It’s perfect for that random, flavorless cupid candy you get on the day of from a co-worker, friend, or let’s face it… your mom. Yup, I am in my mid-30s, have my own kid, been married close to a decade, and I still receive a box of kitschy candy and stuffed animals from my mom every year. And let me tell you something about that uber cheesy box… I love it! It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. But besides the yummy truffles and flavored heart-shaped marshmallows, she always sends conversational hearts and some inedible hard candy sucker. My solution is not to throw them out. I would much rather infuse them with new life. Plus, the bark looks pretty cool. Let’s get started…

VALENTINE REJECTS BARK

INGREDIENTS:

1 cup of semi-sweet chocolate chips

Conversational hearts

Crushed hard candy

DIRECTIONS:

  1. Place the chocolate chips in a medium microwave safe bowl. Microwave it on high in increments of 15 seconds, mixing between each session. Do this until the chocolate is melted. TIP: Don’t throw out dusty chocolate chips (like those pictured below), use them! Once they’ve melted, they will be brought back to life and plus, chocolate should never be wasted.
  2. Line a cookie sheet with parchment paper. Dump the melted chocolate on the paper and spread out until about 1/2 cm thick.
  3. Plop the conversational hearts, hard candy, or any other unwanted Valentines sugar on top.
  4. Place in the refrigerator for 15-30 minutes to harden. Remove and break up into chunks with the back end of a knife. Enjoy!

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There you go. Happy Valentine’s Day!

 

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